'Thank you for preordering The White Stripes Under Great White Northern Lights limited edition box set'.

Much to my dismay about the cost of the exorbitant box set Mark pre ordered it for me as a Christmas gift. I got my free downloads of A martyr for my love for you, Hello Operator and Hotel Yorba. If these downloads are anything to go by the recordings from the Canadian shows are going to be some of the best live material I've ever heard.  I couldn't believe the clarity in something that is naturally so chaotic, reckless and energetic. Whoever was manning the desk that night was doing a superb job on the dials. Now I have to wait until March 16th for my box set to slide through my letterbox [or more likely be delivered], which just happens to be the precise week that I fly to Melbourne to see the Dead Weather.

( The screening of Under Great Nothern Lights )

Dad's funeral went really well, as far as these things can be described as going well. The crematorium was packed despite the weather and people even had to stand! People said the Humanist service was the most personal service they had ever been to and I'm glad I found two of the poems that people read. Afterwards we had a wake at a local hotel. I'm still celebrating Xmas as Mum wants to but my heart really isn't in it. These last two months have probably been the worst of my life.

Getting back to normal life is going to be really hard. I've not done any Uni work for weeks but luckily I already get automatic extensions due to my health problems. Dad got ill two weeks after the course started so I don't feel I've ever really got into it.

Here in the bathroom with me are razor blades. Here is iodine to drink. Here are sleeping pills to swallow. You have a choice. Live or die.

Every breath is a choice.

Every minute is a choice.

To be or not to be.

Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice.

Chuck Palahniuk, survivor


"I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside."

Susannah Kaysen.

So I stand here swaying from the aftershocks of the day. It wasn't particularly hard but Henry was cranky the entire day while I tried desperately to run a house, wrap Christmas presents and stop him destroying the bookshelf yet again. You'd think that I'm looking forward to Christmas and I am. But I have trepidation. I am anxious. Like a brave butterfly waiting to be squashed for some sick man's pleasure. I can't wait to see the look of mystery, joy and surprise on my son's face when he runs out to the lounge room in the morning and sees presents from Santa bearing his name. I want to see Mark's face when he opens his rather expensive keyboard. I want to enjoy some delicious food. But then I know I have to keep my poise for the day and at this point my ability to do that is lacking. I want to yell at several members of my family for not being more accommodating for son. [He's meant to sleep through how much noise? Can you sleep through that much noise?]. I don't want to travel long distances in order to go and see people who never, ever make the effort to visit me. I don't want to drag my 18 month old son around like a ragdoll. get him to smile, say 'thank you' and dance like sunshine for everyone's amusement before he gets ripped away to go to the next person's house to do the exact same thing. It's what happens when your family is segregated and confrontational. I don't really know what Mark and I are going to do when we get married. But for now it's time for another Christmas and all of the work that goes along with it to commence. It's time to speak of peace and joy and feel none of those aforementioned emotions. More than anything I desire peace.

Brothers and sisters! Watch this: http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00djn0s/b00djmxl/The_Roxy_Music_Story/

I am now doing bedroom spazdancing in my pyjamas to Roxy, it is truly a fine way to wake up. THE BEST WAY TO WAKE UP EVER!

Jo Cliché 11.30-12.30

When In Rome - The Promise
Heaven 17 - Let Me Go
Associates - Club Country
Blancmange - Living On The Ceiling
Units - High Pressure Days (Rory Phillips Remix)
A Certain Ratio - Shack Up
Telex - Moskow Diskow
Simple Minds - I Travel
New Order - Perfect Kiss
Bronski Beat - Smalltown Boy
Seona Dancing - Bitter Heart
Roxy Music - Angel Eyes
Sparks - Beat The Clock

I have had a pretty fantastic few days of wonderful friends, very silly behaviour, random bursts of late-night festiveness and whatnot, and I'm going out again this evening - I'm probably going to collapse tomorrow as a result, but I'm not really bothered.

Next year, I'm going to be realistic. Instead of trying the "365 Days" photo project and failing THRICE, I'm gonna do the "50 Books in a Year" in pictures. How creative of me, eh? Hahah. Anyway. I'm almost done with this one, and it's pretty fucking fantastic.

I just received Christmas cards from damselfly27 and busem.

Thank you!

I especially love the quotes in them <3

I have lots of unique items for sale in a range of sizes. They are listed by type to make it easier to find what you want :) Some have been custom made for me, and are quite unusual. I also have some old school gothic and cyber clothing from: Jupiter, S.D.L, Raven and Athena. Please check back if you don't find what you want as I will keep updating my journal.

Prices are in GBP and include shipping costs for the UK. If your outside the UK please email me to work out shipping costs. I prefer payment by paypal.

I have positive feedback on the niceboots community username: evilgothicpixie. And you can check my ebay feedback here: cuteandevil

Accessories for sale

Images under cut.

Dresses for sale sizes 6-16

More images under cut.

Skirts for sale sizes 8-16

Images under cut.

Tops and shrugs sizes 8-18

Images under cut.

I have a hair dilemma. I've had red hair for 4 years now, it currently looks like ( this ) I'm the red-headed one, obviously.

Anyway, I love having red hair. I get lots of compliments about it and am constantly being told that it suits me. However, it is a nightmare to maintain, especially now I'm using a veggie dye. I only wash it in cold water (NOT easy in winter time!) and the hair dye I use is expensive (it's this one, for anyone interested.)

I'm getting tired of the expense and maintenance and the pink marks it leaves all over the place. So I've been considering going back to blonde. ( This is what I used to look like ) Sorry for the poor quality of the picture, I have worryingly few photos of myself as a blonde.

So, should I stick with red or hit the bleach?

The other hair thing I've been pondering - chop it off or keep it long? Ever since I visited my friend with leukaemia the idea of cutting it to a bob and giving 9" or so of hair to a wig charity has been playing on my mind. Long hair is a nightmare, it's expensive to keep in good condition, especially as my hair is dry anyway. It's always catching in/on things, I'm always leaning on it etc. But then my ego starts to remind me that a lot of people tell me how nice it is. And hair takes ages to grow back so what if I regret it? I have had my hair short-ish in the past, what it look like shall be revealed ( under this final cut )

So... honest opinions please - keep it red or back to blonde? Leave it long or chop it all off? Please help me decide!

X-posted to a couple of hair dye communities, so sorry for anyone who saw this twice.

Cut for possible upsetting stuff
( Read more... )

As I am finally feeling relatively "festive", and trying to avoid tidying up and doing the laundry whilst sitting in bed and coughing up my lungs, I find myself wondering: "What are my LJ friends' favourite Christmas pop songs?"

My absolute favourite is:


Because I am a big goth, clearly. Also, this is really rather spectacular - it's QUITE PROG (surprise surprise), has a lovely tune, and whilst it's nowhere near the tralalala shrill multicoloured awfulness of Wizzard et al, it's still anthemic and kind of uplifting. I like the lyrics very much - kind of on the cynical edge whilst still abstractly hopeful, or something.

I also love this:



It's awkwardly charming (Jona Lewie there), and more than a little sad. Is it the Smiths fan in me that loves the melancholy Christmas tunes, maybe? I don't know, I just prefer the less ordinary ones, songs that are about things.

I wish you a hopeful Christmas, I wish you a brave new year!

Does anyone have an image of Patrick Bateman wearing reindeer antlers?

CHECK IT!

• I asked Craig whether this made the US news at all, and he said no. So, here, enlighten yourselves about what's been going on here. I've had conversations about this with everyone I could find in reaching distance, so I'm not gonna go on and on about it. Just know it was expected, and it's all part of this asshole government's plan.
• I had to work way late tonight. And I think it's gonna be like this for the rest of the week.
• When I went to bed last night, I started reading Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keeper. I managed to read the first 100 pages before I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. It felt fucking great since I haven't been able to do that for a long, long time.
• Can we have Supernatural back NOW, please? I'm having withdrawals already.

Dad passed away peacefully at 12.30am, R.I.P

More when I'm not so exhausted.

Ally & Jo midnight-1.20

The Gossip - Standing in the Way of Control (Soulwax mix)
New Order - Fine Time
MSTRKRFT - She's Good for Business
Simple Minds - I Travel
Slits - I Heard it Through the Grapevine
Le Tigre - Nanny Boo Boo (Junior Senior Remix)
New Young Pony Club - Ice Cream
Pulp - Countdown
The Faint - Glass Danse
Pete Shelley - Homosapien
Annie - Chewing Gum
Abba - The Visitors
The Flirts - Passion
Units - High Pressure Days (Rory Phillips mix)
Dragonette - I Get Around (Midnight Juggernauts mix)
Smiths - Barbarism Begins At Home
Grace Jones - Pull Up to the Bumper
Dead or Alive - You Spin Me Round (12" version)
David Bowie - Modern Love

God knows how I managed to stay awake/alive for this as I had a pretty mental time the previous evening; it was a bit like being in an episode of Skins. I am now really rather hideously ill and probably have yet another chest infection, but them's the breaks I suppose. Bedrest until better.